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“Abmon! Is that what his people are called?”
The Qlerning did not reply, but the Rock Pillar itself gave a very large, exaggerated nod by tilting its whole pillar forward.
“Ah! I’m right?”
It nodded again.
“Great! But anyway, when you say that stuff about scents . . . you mean people – human people – think they smell bad?” She looked at the Rock Pillar. “I don’t think you smell bad. I was just on Earth and it kind of reminds me of that. Honestly, it makes me kind of happy – it’s why I came into the room.”
The Rock Pillar began to rattle, slightly differently from before.
“He is pleased,” Plep said. “He That Squats is going to be serving on the Craton for Detachment Training. I am sure he will experience many events.”
That last part seemed . . . cryptic and slightly ominous to her, but she smiled to . . .
“He That Squats?” she asked.
The Rock Pillar made some rumbling noises to the Qlerning, who ignored it until one of the goose barnacles on its head stretched and slapped Plep on the arm. It made a loud noise, and the Qlerning actually jumped slightly, dropping its instrument.
“Pain is an acquaintance I do not enjoy meeting,” Plep said, watching the Rock Pillar. Its tone was just as calm as ever, but it was rubbing its arm to take the sting from the blow.
“What did he say? Just please tell me exactly.”
“He said that is not his full name and I should tell you his full name,” Plep said. Then he said nothing else.
“Okay . . . so what is it?”
Plep was quiet, and more of the Rock Pillar’s weird arm-barnacle things raised up, almost threateningly.
“You hit far too hard,” Plep said. “To be struck by a train puts none in a good mood.”
Plep looked at her. “His full name is ‘He That Squats on Yellow Sand’. Abmon use such descriptive names.”
“Oh, all right,” Apollonia said. “You know, I knew a guy who had a name like that. He wanted everyone to call him The Breath of Angels Upon God’s Face, but we all called him Stinky Breath because, well, his breath was terrible.”
The pillar rotated so the eyes were on her, and then it began to shake again, loudly clanking its sections together.
Apollonia was starting to think that was something like laughter, and she started laughing, too. Plep still seemed annoyed, though.
“I do not know what to make of that,” he said.
Apollonia began to laugh harder.
“Okay, so can you please give me a simple and straight answer, Plep? I’m . . . well, I’m a noob at a lot of this stuff.”
“A what?” Plep asked.
“A noob. Newbie? I’m fresh to the Sapient Union? I know you’re . . . just being you, I guess, but I need you to throw me a bone here.”
The being seemed a little huffy. “Doing is learning,” he insisted.
She took that to mean she was supposed to figure out what he was saying. “I need the 101,” she insisted. “And right now I can’t even understand Mr. Squats over there.”
The rocky being looked to Plep and rumbled something.
Plep leaned back and seemed thoughtful. “Brevity,” he said. “Is the soul of wit.”
“That’s a human quote, isn’t it?” Apollonia said. “I think I’ve heard that before!”
“To know your own history is to know yourself, in many ways,” Plep said, seeming pleased.
Apollonia smiled. This might be progress.
“Okay, so can you tell me why my system won’t translate him?” She held up her tablet.
“You just need to download the language pack,” the Qlerning said, for once being blessedly clear.
“Oh, great! Er – how do I do that?”
Plep reached up. “May this one be so honored?”
“If you mean can you do it, be my guest,” she said.
The being took her tablet and tapped a few buttons, then offered it back. She was on a download page, and a large, shiny green button said ‘download and install Abmon Language Pack’. She hit it, and saw that it was 23 exabytes of data.
It installed in a few moments.
“Try saying something,” she said to the Rock Pillar.
“I’ve decided I’m not offended by being called Mr. Squats,” the being said. Or at least, it made the rumbling rock sounds, but she heard the words in her ear buds. The voice the system created for it seemed wholly appropriate for a walking crab pillar thing, deep and rumbling.
“Oh, I heard that!” she said. “Wait, I offended you?”
“Can you just call me Squats on Sands if you must abbreviate?” he asked.
“All right, I can do that.”
“Ah, great!” he replied. “To be honest I expected it to be harder to get a human to use my name right. It’s hell on forms especially. You know, you’re all right for a Squishling.”
“And I’m squishier than most,” she said with a nod.
The being did its rattling again, which her system turned into a hearty guffaw. “I think I like her,” He That Squats on Yellow Sand said to Plep.
The being just plucked on its ukulele again, but said nothing. Apollonia was unsure if he was hurt or what, but she hardly cared.
At least she’d have some interesting company for the rest of the trip.
Other Terrestrial 